she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
