Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
