mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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