Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She told me I should be a condom model.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
