The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
