So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
