she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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