he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
