Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
