next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
