anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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