you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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