his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
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