got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
