Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
