found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
