New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i need some magic done to my vagina
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
