just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
