You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
