Screwed.edu
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
