I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
