dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
