is your mom at the bar?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
