4 words: hood of his car
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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