he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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