when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
