They should really pass out barf bags in church
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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