note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you would pick up someone in the library
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
