U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
