remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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