I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
