Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
