His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
