I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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