FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
