Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
