wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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