the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
