Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
