i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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