you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Life is so much better after having sex.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
