what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
