Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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