Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
