no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
