I hate your face
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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