Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
