When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
