Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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