i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize