I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
