we're chasing vodka with high fives
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
