is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
