I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
my poor anus
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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