Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
