good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
