You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
