She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
