I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
