Quick, to the slutcave!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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