Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
