sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
