i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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