she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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