when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
