ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm really into asian looking animals
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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