I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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