wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
