epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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