Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
