Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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