i would punch a child for taco bell
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
