I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
